One of the worst things in history has been the division amongst women. I am so tired of hearing women say, “I do not have female friends because of Blah Blah Blah!” All of us have had a bad friend or two, but do not allow those experiences to completely ruin your prospective about women.
For the record, all women are not bad. This is one of the many reasons that men love us so much. Many women are intelligent, innovative, stylish, funny, motivating, understanding, loving, kind, spontaneous, classy, professional, and the list goes on. On the negative side, a lot of women are conniving, superficial, back-stabbers, trifling, instigators, jealous, self-centered, man-hungry, and the list goes on.
#1 – Know Yourself
First, you have to be honest with yourself and decide what type of woman you are. If you are on the positive list, Kudos! If you are on the negative list, you have the ability to change who you are and adopt positive qualities…start today! If you are in the middle, my personal suggestion is to adopt more positive qualities! Some people may be on the negative list and have a desire to stay there. If so, that is fine. At least you are honest with yourself and you know who you are. Just know that the first step to being a good friend and finding a good friend is knowing who you are.
#2 – Know the Prospective Friend
Let’s face it…every woman that you meet should not make it to the “VIP Friend” level. Sometimes, they will only make it to the “Associate” level. Treat it like an interview. Every woman will not make it to the final round (VIP Friend). Know what you have in common. Know what you don’t agree on. How do they handle conflict? What are their goals? How do they feel about dating their friend’s ex? How do they deal with people who are hurting? Are they full of drama? Do they attract negative energy? Would you be interested in spending your life with them? Can they keep a secret? Are they dependable? Do they have your back, in a positive sense (every time that you want to fight, they want to fight…not positive)? Are they on the negative list or positive list? Can you learn anything from them? Are they jealous?
The first year, will give you answers to all of your questions. If they are faking, it will show up within the next year. It is similar to the relationship with a man. You ever heard a woman say, “I should have paid attention to the signs. They were there all along?” Do not let that be your story when determining if the associate will get the VIP position.
#3 – Have Standards
Observe. Do your beliefs conflict? Are they too loose? Do you disagree with their take on men and friendships? If so, it is OK. It’s nothing to blow-up over! Remember all of your experiences with a person when trying to determine what role they will play in your life.
Never pursue a relationship or date someone that your friend or associate has been with. Some women do this and justify it by saying, “I don’t even know her like that.” Maybe she could have made it to the VIP list if you wouldn’t have violated the golden rule. Remember, women are good at playing the “I don’t care” role, but they never forget. Have standards. No man should be able to brag about being with two friends and/or associates.
#4 – Be the Mediator, Not the Instigator
In a group, there may be a set of women who do not really have anything in common. As women, we occasionally feel the need to tell one associate how we feel about another. Whatever you hear, keep it to yourself! Sometimes women add fuel to the fire when they would be more effective if they put water on it. I think that Basketball Wives is a perfect example. I must share my opinion about this show and their relationships. A real friend will not tell you the negative things that people say about you because they do not want to see you hurt. I believe that these women are secretly very envious of each other. They would be happy to see a woman fail or act like a fool on camera! Think about it, every time one says something about the other, they become track stars…running to tell what was said!!! Ladies, grow up!!! We all get mad about something that someone else does and feel the need to share with someone else. If you are on the receiving end, give the lady a “Talk Junk” pass. She may just need to get something off her mind. Be her safe haven. If it was really that serious, she will tell it and you don’t have to.
#5 – Be Happy for Your Friend
Does she have a new car, a college degree, nice hair, expensive shoes, a great job, and a good man in her life? Is she beautiful and living the American Dream? All of this is happening for a woman that you know, but you can’t even get a raise! What should you do? BE HAPPY for HER!!! Your blessings will come. Being bitter about another woman’s situation will never help yours. Talk with them, ask for tips, and give a compliment. It will all pay off in the end. On the other hand, don’t live your life thinking that everyone is jealous of the things that you have or the person that you have become. The next time that a friend or an associate achieves something great, find genuine happiness in your heart. Jealousy is a useless emotion.
Be honest with yourself, every woman that you meet will not make your VIP list. Some are just meant to be great associates. You can make this decision without being disrespectful or professing it to every man that you meet. Once you have clear understanding and remove a few unrealistic expectations, you can add phenomenal women to your circle. I have a challenge for you. Invest time in re-defining the way that you view women. Today, I will tell you the truth about Sisterhood. You need a few women in your life and they need you.